Man Laws

From the International Council of Man Laws:

1: Under NO circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
       A: It is NEVER OK for a man to cry!
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever; unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip club of the birthday boy's choice.
7: On the road, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (aka: The Dutch Oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcoholic drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model... and it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see anything.
14: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
15: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

16: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just greedy.
17: If you compliment a guy on his six pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
18: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
19: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
20: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex; the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail her again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

21: It is acceptable for you to driver her car. It is NOT acceptable for her to drive yours.
22: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, or sky blue.
23: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you would know!' gets an Xbox 360. End of story.
24: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
25: We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the 'guts' to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Coming home late after a night our with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the 'balls' to say, "You're next fatty!"

I hope this clears up any confusion. You're Welcome.


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