Did You Get Your Hand Job For Christmas?

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Sexist Or Science?

It's pretty hard to argue with the concrete evidence supplied by this educational video. But despite the facts, I'm going to open the floor up to you guys... How awesome is this video?!

If Facebook Were Invented Sooner

Ever wonder what the world would've been like if everyone and everything was always connected? Well here's your answer, men.




Source: Cool Material

Things Your Dad Should've Taught You

In an attempt to catch up on several weeks of this category, I thought I'd try to please everyone with several life lessons. Just click "Read More" below to see how to deal with every possible life problem you could ever encounter. You're welcome.

Instant Virgin Detector

The hover hand, an instant indicator that a male has yet to enter into manhood. At first, my reaction when seeing this was "WTF?!" but it's clear that these poor souls are in a sad state of affairs. There should be some sort of foundation or 12-step man program to help them overcome this sorry condition... preferably involving strippers, booze, and a street fight or two. Fellas, it's a long shot, but we just might be able to make you into men after all.

Watch Your Balls...

Whoever is in charge of the label maker here needs to choose their words more carefully. No amount of potential Beer Pong is worth that risk.

Scientists Are Bad-Ass

Yea I said it. Apparently all those brains can be put to good use after all. Don't believe me? The proof is in the video. Enjoy.

Customer Service At Its Finest

I'm still not sure who's more awesome, this Mr. Haberny guy or the angry people at Cash4Gold. While his demands may have been a bit outrageous, I'm sure a simple 'NO' would've sufficed.

Men Down!

Well, it's been brought to my attention that we've been neglecting our Man Down posts. In an attempt to make amends, I give you a compilation of epic fails from all of November. Enjoy the pain Men!

32 ways of being an asshole to people

You only live once right? So what's stopping you from have a little fun and messin' with people while you're here on this earth?

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO." If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think." Practice making fax and modem noises. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Breaking News

If you're anything like me, then you hate every damn news report about absolutely nothing. Which unfortunately, is every news report. Every news report but one that is. Thankfully, The Onion is here to keep us up to date with all the heart stopping, breaking news. Enjoy.

How To Poop At Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, follow this Survival Guide to make your next poop awesome.

CROP DUSTING - When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but no one has any idea where it came from. Be careful when crop dusting, do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet or so to ensure that the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY - The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers; if there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back later. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE - A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it, pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urnials, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing will just make both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK - When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH - The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME - Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This can all be avoided with proper use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER - A colleague who poops at work and is proud of it. You will often see an out of the closet pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Alwas look around the office for the out of closet pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) - A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes of without incident. This group can help you monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF CLOSET POOPERS, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS - A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a TURD BURGLAR entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR - Someone who does not realize you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until he leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH  - A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover up a WATERMELON, or alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

SHIRLEY TEMPLE - A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a Shirley Temple, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON - A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This can be an immensely embarrassing incident. If you feel a watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET - A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

AUNT-BETTY - A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Aunt-Betty makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as all other bathroom attendees.

Some varieties of poop you should be aware of:

The King Poop - This is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Poop - You poop so much you lose 5 pounds.

Cement Block - You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

Cork Poop (Aka The Floater Poop) - Even after the third flush it's still floating in there. Leaves you wondering, "How to hell do I get rid of this?!" This poop usually happens at someone else's house.

The Bungee Poop - The kind of poop that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.

The Crippler - The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your body goes numb from your waist down.

The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - This is the poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Party Pooper - The giant poop you take at a party, and when you flush the toilet you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.



Source: Unknown

Sexist or Funny?

You be the judge of this one. Personally, I just think it's hilarious. But leave your own thoughts below.

Source: DailyShite

20 photos of dogs at the bar

It's no surprise that dogs are awesome. They follow your every move, keep the kitchen floors(and counters)clear of food, obey all your commands, always up for a game of catch, and they're always ready to lunge for the jugular of someone you don't like. But who ever said that man's best friend can't be man's best drinking buddy. Here are 20 photos of some of the coolest dogs enjoying drinks at the bar.


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Texas Chainsaw Dad is a dick

What's the best way to ensure that your kids will need countless hours of therapy, a life-long fear of murderous clowns, and hate you for years to come? Scaring them shitless with a chainsaw and mask of course! Props to you, sir. Your execution was of high standard. The 2010 "Sick and Twisted Father Award" goes to you my good man.

Need a costume idea?

Is time running out and you still don't have a costume put together for that party this weekend? Well, MUB has just the solution for you... Dicktowel! It's funny, functional, and sexual. You'll be the life of the party for sure with "Dicktowel!" No need for makeup, props or accessories. You just wrap it around your waist and you're good to go. Show up to that super awesome Halloween party, dance your dicktowel off, and you'll for sure hook up with that slutty nurse who has already slept with all your friends in the years past. Dicktowel! Order one now... duuuude.




Link: The Official "DickTowel" website

Editor's note: We at "Man Up, Bro!" cannot guarantee that dicktowel will make you cool, the life of the party, or get you laid by that slutty nurse. In fact, you probably will look like an idiot, everyone will laugh at you, and the slutty nurse just might kick you in the dicktowel for trying to approach her.

Think It Isn't Manly To Be Sympathetic?

THINK AGAIN!

Man Up and send a little sympathy or encouragement to those who need it. Only don't be a pussy about it, say what's really on your mind, and say it proudly.



Now go create your own bad-ass ecard and tweet our way @ManUpBroTheBlog
Link: http://www.someecards.com/

Marriage on the rocks? Here's a Lawyer for you.

The right divorce lawyer is hard to find. But when you "hate that 'vermin' you call a spouse like poison" and want to escape "the hellhole you call a marriage," divorce attorney Steven Miller is ready for your case.

The World`s Most Awesome Guy

"Look at my bird, now look at my car, now back to the bird... Now ask yourself, how can I be as awesome as this? I suggest motor-crossing through the baja desert until you find a sheer rock cliff to climb with a blood-thirsty puma awaiting at the top whose only purpose in life is fighting you to the death. Then maybe we could talk. My puma is sitting in the passenger seat as we speak.

By the way, if you call it a purse, I'll have my bird of prey pluck your eyeballs out... it's a satchel."

Link: i-am-bored.com