Texas Chainsaw Dad is a dick

What's the best way to ensure that your kids will need countless hours of therapy, a life-long fear of murderous clowns, and hate you for years to come? Scaring them shitless with a chainsaw and mask of course! Props to you, sir. Your execution was of high standard. The 2010 "Sick and Twisted Father Award" goes to you my good man.

Carve a pumpkin like a real man

Pumpkin carving has been an age-old tradition for the spooky season; and a messy, time consuming one at that. Now gutting that jack-o-lantern just got a lot cooler as youtube user hickok45 demonstrates with his .40 caliber glock. All it takes are a couple of clips, a crack shot, and you've got yourself a real man's spooky jack. Now insert flame, place on porch, get settled in your lawn chair, and begin handing out hollow points to all those cute and creepy little trick-or-treaters.

Need a costume idea?

Is time running out and you still don't have a costume put together for that party this weekend? Well, MUB has just the solution for you... Dicktowel! It's funny, functional, and sexual. You'll be the life of the party for sure with "Dicktowel!" No need for makeup, props or accessories. You just wrap it around your waist and you're good to go. Show up to that super awesome Halloween party, dance your dicktowel off, and you'll for sure hook up with that slutty nurse who has already slept with all your friends in the years past. Dicktowel! Order one now... duuuude.




Link: The Official "DickTowel" website

Editor's note: We at "Man Up, Bro!" cannot guarantee that dicktowel will make you cool, the life of the party, or get you laid by that slutty nurse. In fact, you probably will look like an idiot, everyone will laugh at you, and the slutty nurse just might kick you in the dicktowel for trying to approach her.

Man Down

Got friends? This guy doesn't. If you ever find yourself in a One Man Band then you should probably reconsider how you spend your afternoons. Yes, it's hard being one of us, but that's why the society of man created social standards, so we can avoid situations like these. With that said, man down bro! Side Note: Please do not confuse a One Man Band with a One Man Wolfpack, two totally separate things.

Father Of The Year

Kids will believe just about anything. And it's about time someone took advantage of that. That's why this dude is Father of the year in my book. So next time your kids are pissing you off, or you're stuck watching someone else's kids and feel like possibly screwing them up for life, take a page out of this guy's book.

Now This Is Fantasy Football

With a lockout looming in the NFL, it' time to start searching for a new high contact sport to keep your minds satisfied next season. But be warned, you may not want to watch regular football again. Seriously, would you rather watch a horde of 300 pound sweaty men with wedgies stumbling around, or these sexy women clad only in lingerie and minimum padding? I think the choice is obvious.

Badass of the Week - Are you kidding me?

Every now and then i'll witness the ninjas splitting concrete blocks, the sword and fire swallower’s, the guys who drench themselves in gasoline, the Jabroni’s (Always Sunny reference for those of you that are cool) who walk across glass, the dudes that drive cars off cliffs, jump out of airplanes without a parachute, travel to the moon on a Sunday’s, and those who building jump, you know, the chill stuff…but never, never have I seen a badass who can take a blow to the cash and prizes like this one…

Topless Trims... A little more off the top, please!

Welcome to Hot Cuts, the topless barbershop in Australia where you can get more than just a hair cut.
Hot Cuts owner, Wojtek Wasilewski, is a visionary. He took two great things that are manly and put them together like PB&J. The strip club and the barbershop. Even though it took him 18 months to find employees who were willing to cut hair topless, his brilliance has paid off.
“I wanted to make the salon like a gentlemen's club. Business is booming. The phone has been ringing off the hook. I'm not surprised. They are stunning girls,” Wasilewski said.


Yeah, I'd be pitching a tent in that barber's chair for sure. Unfortunately, my current barber is an older woman who may or may not have been a Sid Vicious or Iggy Pop groupie back in the 70's-80's and enjoys the occasional conversations of neighborhood gossip, government conspiracies, Native American spiritual practices and the existence of extraterrestrials. Doesn't seem the drugs have worn off yet after all these years, or the purple dye in her hair. On second thought, that's not really unfortunate at all. It's actually kind of awesome. But being in a trance by a nice pair of bouncing betties while getting a haircut is pretty awesome too. If only I had the best of both worlds. No, no... don't go there. You just did, didn't you. Aghhh! Mental picture. I'm ruined.

Well, while I seek therapy, enjoy the thought of Hot Cuts and be sure to visit if you're ever in the Land Down Under area. Also lets hope there are more innovators out there like Wasilewski. We could apply his vision to so many other things in life such as topless golf caddies, topless coffee shops, topless banks, topless airlines, topless bars... wait, we already have those. Oh, You get the point. The possibilities are endless.

Shark Week

Ever wonder why it's damn near impossible to win an argument with a woman? Your chances of winning are about the same odds you have as convincing a shark not to rip your face off. Well gents, the mystery is solved. Apparently women and sharks have a lot more in common than we all thought. So if the myth of punching a shark in the face so it won't attack you is true, then the next time your catching heat for watching the game instead of doing whatever it is she had planned, a clean hit to the snatch could finally help you come out on top.



Warning: The Man Up Team does not guarantee results in either punching sharks or vaginas. We also don't encourage you to hit women.

Rent Is Too Damn High!

In honor of the upcoming election, I present all you men out there with another bad-ass candidate. If you've ever felt like you're paying too much on rent, this guy feels your pain. If you've ever felt that your karate expertise makes you better than everyone else around you, once again this guy is with you. Have some sort of weird over the top shoe fetish? I'm sure as hell going to judge you, but Jimmy's on your side. And of course if your a mustache or facial hair aficionado then this dude is right up your alley. So on November 2nd get out and vote Jimmy McMillan. Why? Because who doesn't want to hear more awesome speeches like this?

Now that's one sexy Fembot

Yes! This IS the droid you are looking for. Now, personally I would be the first on the front lines leading the robot resistance. It's only a matter of time before some dumbass creates some dumbass machine that becomes self aware and wants to enslave us all. (Yeah, I'm talking to you Japan. knock it the fuck off!) But if there ever were a secret weapon that could break my will to fight those murderous tin-cans, this would be it. Thank God this is a hot chick wearing R2-D2 swimwear and not a real fembot because the end of man could have been very well possible. Now if you excuse me, I have to run to Tosche Station to pick up a dozen power converters and massage motor oil for my err, uhh, lady-bot-friend.





















via: Black Milk Clothing

Katz For Mayor

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed below may not reflect the opinions of every member of the Man Up team. This post is not for the faint of heart, so Man Up Bro!

Election Day is approaching fast Men. It is absolutely vital that you do your research and vote for the candidates most likely to lead us to a bad-ass and awesome future. And who better to vote for than a man who refuses to back down from a challenge, even if the challenger appears to only be about 12. Recently in Winnepeg, Canada the Mayor, Sam Katz, was seen kicking a child in the face. His opposition seized the opportunity to start a smear campaign, but I believe it only makes Katz look more bad-ass. It's 2010, who isn't Pro Child Face Kicking by now?! Now if I hailed from Canadia, I would have to vote for this dude.

The Manslater – Mission Accomplished!

The 18th century marked the beginning of the industrial revolution. A century later, our great country marked its independence. In the early to mid 1900’s, America prevailed on the winning side of two world wars. And, some odd years later, we introduced Frank’s RedHot Tabasco sauce to men around the world. Ah, yes…it’s been a long successful road for all that is man, so standing before you today (well, actually sitting in front of my computer) I’m honored to present one of the greatest revolutions yet – The Manslater.

Badass of the Week: the real Fox from the Oceans trilogy

I always appreciated the Oceans movies for the sole purpose of robbing these badass casino owners in a complicated and full-proof heist. Although they would only take them for the equivalent of what a bag of Cheetos is to me, these former-badass gentlemen really knew how to put on a show. But inside all the glory of the casino heists, there was one main fault - the Fox. Mr. Fox, you swagger-jacked my boy Apollo, and couldn’t even complete the job. In the world of pick pocketing, thievery, and heists, you roam the world deaf, blind and dumb, and everyone will know – this is Fox, the man who thought he could be compared to Apollo. Alright, maybe I stole that line from Troy, but at least stealing the line from Troy wasn’t half as bad as Fox attempting to step to the level of Apollo. You deserve to be put in a den with David Bowie and his wolves.

David Bowie -The Most Epic Man Alive

It's been common knowledge for quite some time now, oh, I don't know, the last three or four decades, that David Bowie is one bizarre and creepy dude. The man has always known how to stay ahead of the times. A pioneer in the music of punk, rock and the weird. He produced countless of hits that we all still enjoy today, and has defined what it is to be Epic. I mean really, what was up with that freaky eyeball, man? So, when it comes to David Bowie, it's no surprise that the words legendary and awesomeness come to mind. After all, he is "thee" Goblin King. And as of today, the man still doesn't disappoint. He has proven once again to be "The Most Epic Man Alive".


What's that, you say? Oh, just David Bowie and some MOTHERFUCKING WOLVES.



via: rillawafers